Now that I’ve been a mom for almost seven years, I’ve finally figured out how to spot fellow mamas in the wild. You will know us by the circles under our eyes. Just kidding. Sorta.
Seriously though, on so many days, I feel like I have been sent to earth on a mission from God to help other moms feel better about themselves.
Not so much in an awesome and encouraging type of way (although I would love that) but more of an at-least-I’ve-got-it-together-better-than-that-woman kinda way. Each one of us is a hot mess in our own special way. I just tend to be more mess than hot.
So if you’re a stressed out mom and you’re looking to feel a bit better about yourself, here are a few ways that I can help you out with that.
You are not alone if…
You’ve ever had to do the walk of shame from the very back of Target, carrying a 35-pound three-year-old having a total meltdown because he can’t have the $75 Thomas track set. Now your picture is up as a warning to employees.
|They’re serious when they suggest
you cover the sandbox every time.
Your kids have ever come running up to you from the sandbox to show you the buried treasure they found. It’s really, really not old Play-Doh. *cough*cat poop*cough*
Your two-year-old daughter has screamed her head off for 20 miles because of the total injustice of not being able to pee out of the open door of the minivan into the grass on I-10.
You’ve missed an appointment because your kids have played hide-and-seek with your car keys. And they are very, very good at hide-and-seek.
Your date nights have gone from candlelit dinners and strolls in the moonlight to a turkey potpie, a beer, and a Redbox. And you’re so grateful for them!
Sometimes jail seems like it might actually be a vacation. Well. The Martha Stewart kinda jail. Not that Scared Straight jail. Yikes.
You’ve worn yoga pants and running shoes at least three mornings this week to drop your kid off at school but you haven’t stepped foot in the gym in eight months.
For your last birthday, all you really and truly wanted was to sleep past 8 am.
|They were laughing it up just after
this picture was taken, so don’t feel
When your kids draw whiskers and stripes all over each other’s faces in semi-permanent marker, you’ve learned how to simultaneously put them in time out and take pictures.
You know that, even after enduring the pain of childbirth, stepping on a Lego can make you want to cuss like a sailor and cry like a baby.
You could happily survive on coffee and wine alone.
You know that no matter how tired, cranky, or stressed out you might be, you wouldn’t trade being their mom for anything in the whole world!
(But a cruise sure would help sweeten the deal.)